‘I feel like a lapsed writer needing confession’ – this is what I wrote in my journal this morning. This, and my longing for sun and warmth. But there are primroses and snowdrops in the garden and Phil has just ploughed all the vegetable garden up with Bluebird.
I also wrote a quote from Wordsworth that I found in an article, ‘fill your paper with the breathings of your heart’. I like that. Breathing – in and out, the way that listening to the breath in meditation slows everything down , gives it clarity, lets light in at the top of the head to course its way down the limbs.
Out of the long nights and dark days of winter there has come a slowing of things – some I would prefer to do without – my joints creaking and seizing up with the cold and damp but I like the long stretches when nothing is happening. I put off going shopping and just stay home in my room slowly finding my way round things, writing a bit, reading a lot.
I made curtains for the window of my workroom and wish I had made the effort sooner whilst it was still dark till late in the morning. Losing that black, shining cold square is making the room feel warmer, the yellow of the thick curtain creating light in that outside wall. Gradually more and more luxurious things happen in this room – the ancient radiateur that the plombier Denis put in for me is solid and comforting, the books are familiarly in their places, there are lists and photographs, paintings and ‘to do’s’ on the wall.
Now my head is trying to get itself around constructing a website. I went to Philip Gross’s website a few days ago and really enjoyed it, reading more about him as a person – rounding him it seemed. I want to look at a few more writer’s websites and then to have a go at making a decent one for myself. I have done this in the past but the result has been uninspiring. I have found a Website for Dummies site which is very clear and simple and that uses WordPress so it would not be unfamiliar. Tomorrow I will do it!